Let’s not beat around the bush (or the bowl). If you’re a man of a certain age—wise, worldly, and maybe just a little creaky in the joints—it’s time we talked openly about something you probably haven’t brought up over a beer: your bowel habits.
Yes, we’re talking about poo—the great equaliser. And thanks to some men taking up more time in the bathroom, compared to women, we now have even more reason to talk about how your daily dump might be affecting your health.
As part of a broader campaign to improve men’s health and wellness, the National Conference on Incontinence offered some straight-up, no-crap advice: if your toilet time feels like you’re giving birth to a house brick, you’re probably doing it wrong.
According to physiotherapist Allison Bryant, most men approach their morning constitutional with the wrong technique—and it’s straining the pelvic floor, that noble sling of muscles that keeps your bladder and bowels behaving.
Over time, pushing too hard can lead to incontinence, urgency, and, let’s be blunt—unwanted trouser trumpets at very inconvenient moments.
The solution?
It’s not a miracle drug or a cleanse that costs the same as a weekend in Bali. It’s a humble footstool. Yep, the same thing your grandkids use to reach the biscuit tin.
Pop your feet up, get those knees above your hips, lean forward with a straight back—and you’ve got yourself the Rolls-Royce of poo postures. It’s the kind of position your body was designed for: part caveman, part yogi, all business.
This simple switch can help you empty your bowels more easily, avoid straining, and take the pressure off your pelvic floor—turning a painful plop into a smooth move.
And look, we get it. These aren’t easy topics to raise. No one wants to admit their back-end is out of whack. But you wouldn’t ignore a warning light on the dashboard, so why pretend everything’s fine when your downstairs department is sending up smoke signals?
So, even though Men’s Health Week has come and gone, the message still stands tall: your number twos deserve to be number one on your priority list.
Don’t wait until things go completely down the toilet. Be proactive. Embrace the squat. Respect the stool. Because real men don’t just grunt and bear it—they get smart about their bum business.
This isn’t about embarrassment—it’s about empowerment.
And let’s be honest: nothing says “I’ve got my life together” like a man who can sneeze, laugh, or bend over without living in fear of a backdoor surprise.
So take a seat. Raise your feet. And from now on, make every trip to the loo a movement worth making.
Because, gentlemen: it’s time to give a crap—about how you crap.
Chitchat Newspaper. December 2025.